Sometimes, I sit back and wonder… how did I even survive all that?
I was 9 when my parents divorced. That was the day I carried my first trauma seeing my mum being beaten brutally by my father. Until now, the memory still cuts me deep.
School was hard. I was embarrassed because I couldn’t read Qur’an properly. My friends laughed and I felt so small. I wasn’t in a good place during those years.
Things became better in secondary school. I loved my life there. I still remember the feeling when I got my PMR 6A2B and later my SPM results. It felt like, finally, I was worth something.
Then came matriculation. Accounting. I fell in love with someone I shouldn’t. But I was happy. UiTM gave me hope, but also broke me. I failed, dismissed at Year 2. That failure crushed me.
I drifted. Worked and quit, worked and quit. Merantau sana sini. Pahang, Singapore, KL. My life was empty. Just filling the void with enjoyment, clubbing and social life.
Then I met him. My husband. We were both lost souls in the same world. But we chose to build something new. And here we are, 15 years later. Through poor and rich, thin and fat, fights and laughter, we are still together.
We’ve changed. No more social cravings. Just living for our kids now. Making sure they get a better life than I did.
I never thought I could change 360°. My trauma is still here, maybe forever. But I’m no longer that broken child. I am me stronger, wiser and still walking towards rainbows. Hoping they’ll wash away the darkness I’ve been carrying all this while.
NAME (PSEUDONYM) : SB
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